


Count it out with me

by lonelyifonlys



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Dance, Bisexuality, Cis Female Katya Zamolodchikova, Cis Female Trixie Mattel, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Oblivious, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:00:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28047342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyifonlys/pseuds/lonelyifonlys
Summary: Katya and Trixie attend tap classes at a ridiculous hour on a Monday evening. Trixie appears to be thriving, while Katya struggles to keep up. With the Spring Showcase approaching, will they be ready to share what they've worked so hard on? Or will Katya be too distracted by her own mind to notice what's been staring her in the face the whole time?
Relationships: Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	1. Wanna see how well you can swim

Katya was exhausted.

She didn’t bother to quiet the metal clinking of her tap shoes as she traipsed across the laminate floor. It wasn’t like the twenty other chattering students were paying any attention to her anyway. The familiar sounds of a pre-class warm up were soothing to her tired mind. As she stared out into the darkness through the large window that made up most of the back wall of the studio, she blinked wearily at her reflection, pleased to note that she at least looked more put together than she felt. Sleek, black dancewear and tying messy blonde hair into an approximation of a bun could do wonders for anyone’s appearance, she surmised. Over her shoulder, she noticed Jinkx approaching. Katya turned away from the window to greet her friend. 

“Hey, Jinkx. How are you?”  
“I’m good, thank you. How are you?” Jinkx replied. They always spoke so attentively, like Katya was the only person in the room. The intensity sometimes made Katya feel uncomfortable, but mostly it was just nice to feel liked.  
“Yeah, I’m alright. Tired. Remind me to write a strongly-worded letter to the person who decided this class should start at 9:30pm on a Monday, which I will then immediately burn instead of delivering due to my ever-present fear of confrontation,” said Katya.  
Tired was such an easy word. So much easier to throw around than all of the alternatives. It wasn’t a lie, exactly; she was exhausted. Though depressed would be more accurate. Stressed. Overworked. Struggling. But Jinkx didn’t need to deal with all that.  
“Yeah?” Jinkx cooed sympathetically. “We can run some of the choreography before class starts if you want?”  
Katya nodded gratefully. As they started to run through last week’s steps, she wondered how she had got to this point. This was a far cry from where she was ten months ago, auditioning to teach the class herself. What a disaster that would have been, she mused.

___________

“Katya! Hey!” Trixie waved enthusiastically from the opposite end of the corridor. Katya looked up from her knees and smiled as Trixie bounced towards her. Her blonde curls bounced with her, trying to escape the ponytail she had corralled them into. “How are you feeling about the audition?”  
“Nervous,” Katya responded, slowly getting to her feet. “I’ve picked a song that I love, so I know I can deliver it, but I’m worried the other students won’t like it.”  
“I’m sure it will be great!” Trixie beamed.  
“Thanks. It’s a shame only one of us can get the job. Well, I say job, we’re not actually paid, and we’re literally students teaching other students, it’s all really just a made-up system, but-”  
“Katya,” Trixie interrupted, “it will be great. And if you get it, I’ll come to your class and have a great time. Just like I know you’d come to mine.”  
“Of course!” Katya said, eyes widening. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Sorry.”  
“Hey, you don’t need to apologise. Auditions suck, every time. So let’s go have as much fun as is possible then congratulate or commiserate in approximately... thirty-three minutes,” Trixie said, glancing down at the time on her phone screen.  
“Okay. Okay,” repeated Katya, once more sitting down on the industrial gray carpet, leaning back against the cold, painted-brick wall as she rummaged through her bag to find her tap shoes. 

___________

Katya had taught first. She had known that her choreography was excellent, but that trying to convince a room full of tap dancers of varying skill levels was going to be difficult. And it had proved just as hard as she’d thought. Some of them had loved it, others didn’t seem convinced. She had quickly moved to the side to grab some water at the end of her 15 minutes, watching carefully as Trixie gained the attention of the room.  
“Hey, everyone! I’m really excited to teach you today. Make sure you have enough space, and we can get started with some shuffle steps...”  
Katya found a space at the back of the room and began to follow Trixie’s teaching. And she immediately realised that Trixie was going to win the role. The routine she had created was simple enough for the beginners, but energetic enough to keep the advanced group engaged. By ten minutes in, the choreography was familiar to everyone in the room, which meant they had five minutes to just practise and enjoy it. And Katya _was_ enjoying it. She found she couldn’t even be slightly annoyed by Trixie’s brilliance.  
As soon as Trixie’s time was up, they were both sent out of the room while the students voted on who would be teaching them for the next academic year. To Katya’s surprise, Trixie seemed more nervous than she was.  
“Trixie,” she said slowly, trying to catch the girl’s eye. “They loved you. Your routine made so much more sense than mine did for a 15 minute audition. You’re going to win.”  
“You don’t know that!” Trixie replied, eyes wide. “Your routine was so cool! I’ve not seen choreography like that before. The way you mixed jazz moves into tap? So good.”  
“Thanks.” They looked away from each other awkwardly. Katya tapped her fingernails on the wooden railing at the top of the stairs, then her feet on the carpet. The muted sound of the taps was oddly comforting, until it was interrupted by the heavy, sucking sound of the studio door being pulled open.  
“Okay, you can come back in!” Dela, the head of the university’s dance society, popped her head round the door. Katya glanced at Trixie, who smoothed her hands over her thighs, then headed through the door. Katya quickly followed behind, eyes glued to Dela, who was skipping ahead excitedly.  
“So, the votes are in, and I can confirm that next year’s Tap Teacher is… Trixie!” Dela cheered, as the other students began to clap. Katya joined in, trying to tell her eyes not to scream _I told you so_ as she looked towards Trixie. Trixie was beaming, hands clasped in front of her chest.  
“Thank you everyone!” Trixie said. “I’m really looking forward to our classes next year!” With that, everyone started to break up into groups, heading towards scattered bags and water bottles. Katya walked towards her own bag, quietly observing as Dela interacted with Trixie. She bent down to untie her shoes, sliding her feet into the running shoes she’d grabbed on her way out of her front door earlier, and leaned over to drop her tap shoes into her tote. She got up, jumping slightly when she noticed Dela stood right in front of her.  
“For the record,” Dela began, “I thought your choreography was really interesting. Maybe you should try it out as a solo for the showcase?” She smiled and walked away. That was so like Dela, Katya thought, unfailingly kind in every moment. She made a mental note to spend more time with her when classes started up again in the fall.  
Katya heaved her bag onto her shoulder and shuffled over to join the crowd of students surrounding Trixie. She waited for a few to leave before catching Trixie’s eye.  
“Congratulations,” she said, awkwardly holding onto her tote strap with both hands. “I’m really looking forward to your classes. You’re going to be such a great teacher.”  
“Thank you!” Trixie replied, smiling. Katya noticed her face was flushed red - understandable with all the attention she was getting. “I guess, have a good summer?” Trixie said suddenly, interrupting Katya’s thoughts.  
“Yeah, you too,” Katya smiled, taking that as her cue to leave. She headed to the door, turning at the last second to wave across the room at Trixie. She was surprised to find Trixie’s eyes on her, a blush still spread across her softly smiling cheeks. Trixie lifted her hand and fluttered her fingers as the door shut between them, Katya sneaking one last look through the narrow window. 

___________

“Okay everyone, let’s get started!” Trixie yelled brightly across the room. It wouldn’t take an expert to understand that Trixie was studying Theatre, not with that projection, Katya suspected. Katya quickly thanked Jinkx for their help with the choreography before they made their way to the other side of the room as she found her own starting position. “Today, we’re going to start with some time steps as a warm up…”  
As the class continued, Katya found herself becoming more comfortable with the showcase routine. Having to concentrate was forcing her to focus, meaning she couldn’t pay attention to any of the other thought spirals her brain was trying to start up. It reminded her why she even forced herself out into the bitter February cold at such a ridiculous time in the evening in the first place. She was thrilled when Trixie placed her in the front row of dancers for a particularly difficult sequence, knowing that her talents for remembering choreography in the moment were being recognised. _Shame I won’t remember it next week_ , she thought dryly, quickly glancing down the row to check if Jinkx was in her group. She thanked every God she could think of when she saw that they were. The group continued to rehearse until Katya was desperate for a drink of water, a shower and her bed.  
After class, she thanked Jinkx again while they changed their shoes, then went over to say hi to Trixie.  
“I love the new section,” Katya said in greeting.  
“Thanks! You did really well to remember it so quickly - I can barely remember it and I made it up!” Trixie laughed. Katya gazed at her, noticing the way her brown eyes crinkled at the corners and how her curls seemed more ready than ever to escape the confines of the hair tie. “Katya? Is everything okay?”  
“Oh, yeah, sorry, I’m just so tired. That dance is a workout!” Katya chuckled. She forced herself to smile, not wanting to alarm Trixie.  
“You’re welcome!” Trixie winked, giggling. “Drive safe?”  
“Thanks, Trixie. Are you sure you don’t need a ride?”  
“No, I’m good, Dela is taking me. Thanks, though.” Trixie smiled, almost apologetically. Katya wondered why she was so disappointed by Trixie’s rejection, before realising that she would be alone with her thoughts in the car. She fought against the cloud of dread that was building up. It was only a ten minute drive, after all.  
“Okay. Well, see you next week!”  
“See you then,” Trixie said, turning towards the sound system. Katya watched her for a second too long before forlornly turning towards the exit. 

___________

“Hey, hooker,” Bianca greeted as Katya clattered through the door. “How was class?”  
“Exhausting as always. I need to shower immediately.”  
As Katya headed for the bathroom, she heard Bianca muttering behind her. “Hey B, how was your day? Oh, it was great thanks, Katya, I’m so glad you asked!” Katya rolled her eyes, deciding that Bianca could wait another ten minutes for a proper conversation. While she showered, she couldn’t help but mull over the way Trixie had looked at her when she said Dela was driving her home. She couldn’t make sense of it. Trixie seemed sad about it, but then why would she have accepted a lift from Dela when she knew Katya would offer? And Dela was so nice. Had she upset Trixie somehow? Flummoxed, Katya shut off the water and grabbed her towel.  
Emerging from the steam of the bathroom, Katya yelled, “B, do you think Trixie and Dela have fallen out?” She scurried to her room to grab some sweatpants and a t-shirt as she heard Bianca’s footsteps crossing the hall.  
“What makes you think that?” Bianca asked.  
“I don’t know, Trixie just seemed sad that Dela was driving her home today. Also, hi B, how was your day, etcetera etcetera.”  
“You ask for my opinion but don’t care about my day? Rude!” Bianca bit at her, smirking. “I doubt they’ve fallen out. Dela is too nice and Trixie is too much of a people-pleaser.” Katya just stared at her. “What? You don’t think so?”  
“Dela is too nice, yes. Trixie, a people-pleaser? I hadn’t considered that.” Katya continued to contemplate it as she walked towards the kitchen, searching for a snack. “You know, I’m not sure that’s it. I can’t put my finger on it, though.”  
“Tell me again why you think they’ve fallen out?”  
Katya continued rummaging through her cupboards. “I offered Trixie a ride home as usual, and she said Dela was driving her. Then she seemed kinda sad all of a sudden.”  
“Oh,” Bianca smirked. “Well, that makes perfect sense to me.”  
“It does? What do you mean?” Katya whirled around to face her.  
Bianca just rolled her eyes. “They haven’t fallen out, so you don’t need to worry about them. Go to sleep, Katya, you look like you need it. And don’t eat that chocolate bar I know you’re holding, it’s not worth the nightmares. Goodnight, whore.” And with that, Bianca walked into her room and shut the door.  
“What? Bianca, what? How do you know they aren’t fighting? B, tell me!” Katya yelled at the wood in front of her, slamming her empty hand against the frame. But Bianca remained silent. Sighing loudly, Katya slouched into her own room, shutting her door with a force that her landlord would most definitely disapprove of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a comment - I'd love to know what you think of the story so far! Or, you can come say hi on tumblr @lonelyifonlys :)
> 
> I'll post the next chapter next Sunday.


	2. We were only running behind

Katya looked again at the time. 21:07. She sighed and rolled over on her mattress, eyes refusing to leave the phone screen they had been glued to for over an hour. She knew she should get ready for tap, because she’d enjoy it once she was there. But starting things—really, anything—had been hard this week. Really hard. A gentle knock sounded at her door.  
“Are you getting changed?” called Bianca.  
Katya found she didn’t have the energy to reply. Which of course meant that Bianca walked in without being asked to. B looked down at her sadly.  
“Katya, you need to change so you can get in your car and go to your dance class, which you enjoy attending. Get up.” Katya didn’t move, didn’t look up. Her thumb flicked between homescreens, opening and closing apps at random.  
“Katya, look at me.” When she still got no response, Bianca perched on the edge of Katya’s bed. “Can I touch you?”  
Katya gave the tiniest nod.  
Bianca gently placed a hand around Katya’s wrist, so that it came into view below her phone. “You love dance class. You like Jinkx, and Trixie, and Dela. You should go and spend time with people you like.” She moved her hand to stroke gently down Katya’s forearm.  
“I like you,” Katya mumbled, eyes still unmoving.  
“I like you too, whore,” Bianca said, rolling her eyes. “But unfortunately for you, I am not a tap teacher. Trixie is. So get your ass in gear and go dance with your theatre kid friends. Come on.” Her hand returned to grip Katya’s wrist, pulling gently.  
Katya allowed her body to follow Bianca’s pull, sitting up and finally casting her eyes to the dresser.  
“That’s it,” Bianca encouraged. “I’ll see you after class. Say hi to Adore for me.”

___________

Katya had put on her I-am-a-normal-functioning-twenty-year-old face and made it through the dance class with only the usual amount of help from Jinkx. She was proud of herself for keeping up appearances and not worrying anybody. She sent a quick text to Bianca, thanking her and letting her know she was heading home, before making her way over to Trixie. Before she could start talking, she was caught off-guard by Trixie’s barely-concealed excitement and wide grin.  
“Katya! So you know the Spring Showcase auditions are next weekend? I started working on a group piece with Shea and Jaida but we realized really quickly that it would look way better with an even number of dancers, so I was wondering if you wanted to be our fourth person?” She was staring intently at Katya, hands tightly clasped in front of her.  
Katya hadn’t missed how Trixie had said “I was wondering”, not “we were wondering”. It made her hesitant in her reply. “Um, I’m not really sure I’m the best dancer? Dela or Jinkx would probably be better…” Katya trailed off when she saw how Trixie’s face fell. She looked away uncomfortably.  
“Katya, I’m asking you because, as your teacher, I know you’re the best for the group. And because, as your friend, I want you there.”  
“You do?” Katya looked back at Trixie’s face, searching for signs of dishonesty. All she found was Trixie’s open, patient gaze.  
“Yes, I do.”  
“Then I would love to join your group. When is rehearsal?”

___________

Rehearsal had gone smoothly, despite Katya’s initial concerns. Shea and Jaida had seemed pleased to see her, and were very welcoming. She loved the number Trixie had created, and was pleased when Trixie was willing to take her suggestions on board. She found she was really enjoying the collaborative style of choreography.  
Jaida had dashed off as soon as they had finished, saying something about an assignment that, knowing Jaida, wasn’t due for another two weeks but she absolutely _had_ to finish that evening. Katya was taking her time packing away, dawdling so that she could offer Trixie a ride home. She could hear that Trixie was talking to Shea about her evening plans, but was mostly tuning them out until she heard something she wasn’t sure she should have.  
“I don’t know, Shea, we’ve been on a couple of dates or whatever but I know if I go over to his house this evening he’ll want me to have sex with him. Which is fine, I guess, but I’m not really into the whole hooking-up thing. I keep waiting for him to ask me out properly but he hasn’t yet. Do you think he will this evening?”  
“Do you actually want him to?”  
“Well, I do like him. He’s fun.”  
“Then I guess that’s a decision you’ll have to make later.”  
“Wow, thanks for the stellar advice. Katya, what do you think?”  
Katya jumped and immediately blushed, feeling guilty for being caught eavesdropping. Trixie didn’t seem upset, though. In fact, she looked genuinely curious about what Katya thought.  
“Um,” Katya started, before clearing her throat uncomfortably, “I think that, if you want to date him, you could ask him out? Fuck traditions, y’know? But also,” she quickly continued, “if you don’t want to, um, sleep with him, you don’t have to. Whether he asks you out or not. Your body, your choice, and all that.” She looked back down at her bag, searching for her car keys that were already on the floor. She grabbed them and stood up abruptly, turning to face Trixie and Shea.  
“Did you need a ride?” she offered as always, despite the awkwardness she currently felt.  
“No, I’m good thanks,” Trixie said stiffly. “I think I’m gonna go to Jack’s. Maybe I’ll ask him out like you suggested.” She turned to her own bag and snatched up her coat, shrugging it on. She hadn’t looked back at Katya since she had spoken.  
“Okay?” Katya looked to Shea in confusion. Shea just shrugged, picking up her tap shoes.  
“See you on Friday then?” Katya asked.  
“Yeah, of course,” Trixie said, finally looking to Katya and smiling. It didn’t reach her eyes.  
“Okay. Bye, ladies,” Katya said, exiting the studio that suddenly felt way too small. 

___________

Apparently Katya was now a person who attended morning auditions on a Saturday. She clutched her coffee in her gloved hands. It may have been the first weekend of March, but it sure felt as cold as January. She walked down the corridor, glancing into Studio 6 on her way past and noticing the keen theatre kids in the middle of a rehearsal that had no doubt started at the crack of dawn. Shuddering, she continued walking until she reached the door of Studio 4. She checked the schedule that was taped to cover the door’s slit window, then checked the time on her phone. She had 15 minutes to wait before her solo piece. Enough time to finish her coffee, which was great, but also too long to be alone with her thoughts. She shoved her earphones in, playing her audition track on a loop to run the steps in her mind and drown out anything else.  
___________

She hit her final position, holding it powerfully as the track ended. The panel of “judges”, consisting of Dela and a couple of the other dance students, gave little away with their expressions. Katya took a couple of slow breaths as she waited for someone, anyone, to please say something.  
“Thank you, Katya. We’ll let you know at the end of the day whether your audition was successful,” Dela said. Katya wanted to laugh at the way Dela had apparently swallowed a script, but she thought that would be frowned upon. Instead, she muttered a quick thank you, smiled and hurried out of the studio. She nearly walked straight into Trixie, who was standing much closer to the door than she had expected.  
“Woah! Hey Trixie. Sorry, I didn’t expect you to be there.”  
“It’s okay,” Trixie said, though it didn’t seem like it was from the way Trixie had leapt away from her. Katya tried not to be offended.  
“You’re early. Our group audition isn’t for another 40 minutes yet.”  
“Isn’t it?” Trixie replied. “I must’ve written down the wrong time. Oh well.”  
Katya pulled on her coat and knelt down to change her shoes. “I was gonna go grab a coffee to kill time. Did you want to join me?” she asked. “My treat.”  
“Oh, um, you don’t have to—”  
“I offered. Please say yes.”  
“Okay. Yes.”  
___________

Katya was thrilled by the genuine smile on Trixie’s face when she handed over a chai latte. It was the first one she’d seen from her all week.  
“My favorite, how did you know?”  
“Female intuition,” Katya responded with a wink. Trixie giggled and began the walk back to the studios, her cup clutched in both hands. Katya hurried to keep up.  
“So, how did your solo audition go?” Trixie asked.  
“What, you couldn’t hear my amazing talents through the door?” Katya grinned, expecting Trixie to laugh. When she didn’t, Katya turned to see that Trixie was blushing. She softened. “It went great, I think. I’m really glad I choreographed a new piece instead of reusing my teacher audition. Robot-Judge-Dela didn’t give anything away, but I hope my new routine makes the cut.”  
“I’m glad,” said Trixie, surprising Katya with her sincerity. “You’ve worked really hard on it. You deserve to be able to showcase your talent.”  
“Thank you,” said Katya. It was her turn to blush. They walked together quietly for a moment.  
“You know, if I do get it, I think my parents might come to watch the showcase,” Katya mused. “I think I’d like it if they did. They’ve never seen me perform something I’ve choreographed before.”  
“Really?” Trixie looked shocked. “I assumed they’d have seen you perform loads of times.”  
“They have, but it’s always been someone else’s work. I’m the puppet, not the puppeteer. I get really shy about my own stuff.”  
“But you show me new ideas all the time! And you’re so good!” Trixie exclaimed. Katya was blushing again, looking straight ahead. Trixie continued bitterly, “I doubt my mom will come into town for the show.”  
Katya looked across at her quizzically. “Even though you’ve choreographed the group number?”  
“My mom doesn’t care about that. She only cares that my ‘job’ isn’t actually a job because it isn’t earning me any money that I could send her. God forbid I do anything that I actually enjoy.” She huffed out a breath and tightened her fingers around the coffee cup. Katya didn’t know what to say to that, so she just hummed in acknowledgement as they continued walking.  
Just as the studio building came into view, Katya stopped, taking a long sip of her black coffee. Trixie stopped too, turning back to look at her questioningly.  
“Y’know, you deserve to do things just for fun. Everybody does. But especially someone like you, Trixie. You work so hard, all the time. Even teaching our class is work for you. So I’m glad you enjoy it. Your mom might not think that’s important, but I do.”  
Trixie stared at Katya, her mouth slightly open as though she was about to sip her latte but forgot mid-action. Over Trixie’s shoulder, Katya caught sight of Shea and Jaida, who were just reaching the entrance of the studio building. “Look! There’s the rest of Team Trixie!” she joked. This time, Trixie did laugh, turning towards her friends and waving. As they entered the studios together, Katya felt like they really were a team. She felt united in a way that she hadn’t for a long time. And she felt ready to smash another audition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! It was originally two chapters but I grouped them together as I was too excited to share the story! Please let me know what you think in comments, or over on tumblr @lonelyifonlys. Next chapter will be posted next Sunday. <3


	3. Pull you apart

Trixie’s group piece didn’t make the line up. But worse than that, Katya’s solo _did_.  
Katya felt _awful_. She couldn’t stop apologising to Trixie, Shea and Jaida. It didn’t matter that they told her to be proud of herself. It didn’t matter that they told her she was great in the group audition. It didn’t matter that they told her that they were still so glad she joined them. She was convinced that their dance didn’t make it because of her. The only thing that snapped her out of her misery was the shocking feeling of Trixie’s hand on her bicep.  
“Katya. You did great. We will all get to dance in the showcase anyway, in the whole class number, plus Shea and Jaida have their jazz duet. It’s okay,” Trixie said firmly, holding Katya’s gaze. Katya looked away from the brown eyes that were burning into her, down at Trixie’s hand on her arm. Trixie pulled it away suddenly, clasping her hands behind her back and swaying awkwardly.  
“It’s really fine, Katya. Now celebrate! We’re so proud of you for getting your solo.”  
Katya mumbled her thanks as she gathered up her belongings. She needed to talk to Bianca.  
___________

When Katya entered her apartment, she was greeted by bright green hair and a deafening squeal.  
“Katya! Congrats on getting your solo!” Adore sang, eyes gleaming. She bounced up and down before pulling Katya into a tight hug.  
“Hi Adore, I didn’t know you were coming over!” Katya tried to sound thrilled while she scanned the apartment over Adore’s shoulder, searching for Bianca to come and free her from the cyclone she had been caught up in. “I saw that your contemporary group got selected, congratulations.”  
Adore pulled back, moving to grip Katya’s hands tightly in her own. Katya quickly shifted her gaze back to Adore’s face. “Yeah, I’m so excited for the showcase! Can you believe it’s only two weeks away now?” Suddenly, Adore lowered her tone as she studied Katya’s face. “Wait, is everything alright?”  
Katya forced her face into a smile and replied, “Yeah, why?”  
At that moment, Bianca appeared from her room, clearly dressed for an evening out in a knee-length floral gown, her hair styled into a chic up-do. She appraised the scene in front of her, then echoed Adore’s comment. “Everything alright, ladies?”  
“Yeah, we’re all good!” Katya said cheerfully. Adore didn’t seem convinced, and neither did Bianca. Shit.  
“We were gonna go to dinner, but we don’t have to…” Adore started.  
“What do you mean? Of course you’re going to dinner, look at you two!” Katya argued, gesturing broadly to their outfits. Adore giggled and gave her a little twirl, appeased, but Bianca continued to stare Katya down.  
“Are you sure you don’t want us to stay in?” she said quietly.  
“No, really, it’s all good. I was gonna call my mom tonight anyways,” Katya shrugged.  
“Party!” Adore turned away from Katya to slide on her boots. The sounds of her zips and her heels on the laminate floor seemed too loud in Katya’s ears.  
“Okay,” Bianca said slowly. “I look forward to hearing how she’s doing, then.”  
Katya rolled her eyes at the barely-concealed threat, then shuffled over to Bianca, looping her arms around her waist and tucking her head under Bianca’s chin. “Have fun at dinner,” she mumbled into Bianca’s chest.  
Bianca brought her left hand up to stroke Katya’s hair, her right resting on Katya’s lower back. “We will,” she replied. “We’ll talk later, okay? Or tomorrow, if you want to sleep.”  
In the background, Katya could hear Adore swearing as she searched through the couch cushions for her keys. A triumphant “a-HA!” caused Katya to break away from Bianca. She waved the girls off as they hurried out the door, bickering good-naturedly about who was the cause for their lateness. Then the door was shut, and the apartment was deafeningly empty. 

Now what?

___________

Katya decided to make her lie into a reality and actually call her mom. After reheating some leftover curry, she tucked her body into the corner of the couch, a pillow clutched tightly over her middle. She reluctantly dialled the number, not sure whether she was hoping for her mom to pick up, or for the line to go to voicemail.  
“Hi honey!”  
“Hi mom,” Katya replied, injecting enough cheer into her voice to fill several Christmas stockings. “How are you?”  
“We’re good, thank you. Glad it’s finally starting to warm up! And of course, we’re looking forward to seeing you for Spring break. How are you? You sound like you’re having a good time!”  
“Yeah, I actually had an audition today for the showcase, and my piece got selected,” Katya said, remembering Trixie’s advice to celebrate. She was trying.  
“Oh, that’s great! Well done.” Katya heard her mom shuffling in the background before repeating Katya’s news. Then came a muffled, “Congratulations, kid!” from her dad.  
“Oh, Dad’s there? Well, that’s good, because…” she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and forcing herself to just say the words and not start overthinking because _now is not the time, Katya, you’ve started the sentence already_ — “I was wondering if you would be able to make it down to see the showcase?” She let out the rest of her breath and released her grip on the pillow, switching to drum her fingers on her shin instead.  
“We would love to come! When is it?” 

___________

Katya quickly finished up the call with her mom after sharing the showcase details. She could feel herself starting to unravel. Two thought spirals were fighting for dominance, and she was their helpless spectator. 

First, she was furious that Trixie’s mom wouldn’t be at the showcase. Trixie had worked so hard, all year, creating new routines for each performance. When she realised that Trixie’s mom most likely hadn’t attended the winter showcase either, her anger grew even more. It didn’t seem fair that Katya, who forgot the class routine every week and caused the group number to be excluded from the line up, had a supportive family but Trixie didn’t. Katya felt her fingers tighten around the pillow again as her toes curled and uncurled.

Second, she couldn’t help but be hung up on Bianca’s comment that Trixie was a people pleaser. Katya bit at her lip, fretting that Trixie was just being kind to Katya because she didn’t want Katya to worry about her. That must be it. Of course Trixie is upset with her. She let her down. But how could she fix it? The only solution she could think of was withdrawing her solo that she didn’t deserve, but that wouldn’t solve the issue, and she’d already told her parents about it. 

Katya angrily threw the pillow into the couch, scooped up her phone and paced across the apartment. She resigned herself to staring at the small screen until she would inevitably fall asleep, still scrolling. 

___________

Bianca hadn’t returned until around midday on Sunday, at which point Katya immediately left the apartment for a run. After, she jumped in the shower, hoping to continue her let’s-avoid-Bianca plan for as long as possible, but had no such luck. Wrapped in a towel, she walked into her room to find a stony-faced Bianca sitting on her bed.  
“Spill it,” she said flatly.  
“Hey B, how was your evening? And your night, and your morning…” Katya said, a grin spreading across her cheeks as she rummaged through her dresser for an oversized t-shirt.  
Bianca just raised one eyebrow. Sighing, Katya hurriedly pulled her shirt over her head and flopped down face first onto her duvet, hiding her face in the crook of her elbow.  
“Trixie’s group routine didn’t make the showcase line up.”  
“That’s a shame,” said Bianca. “There must have been too much tap in the mix. I know Dela likes to keep it diverse.”  
Katya just groaned. Perfect, another reason why this was her fault. Stupid tap solo.  
“I’m assuming you’re blaming yourself for this,” Bianca stated, not waiting for a response, “which is completely irrational. Unless of course you forgot the entire routine or something, then that’s on you.” Katya peeked out to see Bianca’s smirk.  
She sat up on her knees, reaching over to grip Bianca’s wrists. “That’s the problem! It was the best we’d ever performed it, which _never_ happens in an audition, but we still didn’t make the cut. They should have stayed as a group of three. I don’t know why they included me in the first place.” She dropped her gaze to the duvet, picking at a loose thread.  
“Katya, the routine was better with four people, you told me that yourself. They only have a certain number of slots and they have to include a variety of performances. Adore said Jaida and Shea are doing a duet? So you all get to show a piece.”  
“Trixie doesn’t,” Katya muttered, “and she worked so hard on this.”  
“Uh, have you forgotten that Trixie is literally the teacher? The class piece is hers to be proud of, and she’ll be in the teacher’s dance. Doesn’t she go to the group jazz class, too? She has plenty to do without this one dance.” Bianca reached out to place her hand over Katya’s, effectively ceasing her fiddling. Katya looked up guiltily as Bianca continued. “You’re allowed to be sad that your piece didn’t make the line up. You’re not allowed to beat yourself up for it. Okay?” Bianca searched her gaze.  
“Okay,” said Katya, leaning down to rest her head in Bianca’s lap. “Now, your turn. How was your dinner?”

___________

After class on Monday, Katya packed away her things, hoping to make a swift exit. Her plan was ruined when Jinkx yelled a loud goodbye to her when she reached the door. She turned back to wave, which caused her to catch sight of Trixie’s melancholy expression.  
“Trixie? What’s wrong?” Katya asked in spite of herself. She walked back across the room towards where Trixie was seated, cross-legged, on the floor. Around her, students continued to filter out of the studio, a couple glancing curiously in their direction before leaving.  
“You’re avoiding me,” she said, pouting.  
“What makes you think that?”  
“You always say hi and offer me a lift after class but today you’re sneaking out.” It was a statement, not an accusation.  
“I’m not, um, I just—” Katya faltered, her arms fluttering uselessly by her sides. She took a deep breath and started again. “I’m sorry your routine wasn’t included.”  
“Is that why you’re avoiding me? You feel sorry for me?” Trixie asked incredulously.  
“Well, not exactly…” she trailed off and looked away, casting her eyes around the now-empty studio, unsure of how to explain herself. She couldn’t exactly give Trixie a description of the inner workings of her brain—certainly not in the next 2 minutes.  
Fortunately, Trixie continued to stare at Katya’s wandering gaze, and Katya saw for herself the moment that everything clicked into place.  
“I’m sorry—”  
“ _Don’t_ start apologizing again,” Trixie cut her off. She stood up abruptly, stepping towards Katya and placing a hand on her shoulder. “I don’t blame you, I’m not angry with you, and it is not your fault. Dela is one of my best friends, remember? She told me she wanted our routine in, but there was too much tap, so it just wouldn’t have been fair.” When she noticed Katya about to protest again, she continued, sliding her hand down Katya’s arm until Katya’s hand was in hers. “That’s not your fault either, so don’t even think about using that to beat yourself up. You deserve that solo and I’m excited to see it. Do you have a costume?”  
Katya was startled by the abrupt change of topic. She was acutely aware of Trixie’s hand still in hers, and of how close together they were standing. And she was refusing to acknowledge the way her heartbeat had responded. She began nervously, “Yes actually, I was going to wear a long gray button-up shirt, open over the dance blacks, to keep it simple. Do you think that’s okay?”  
“That sounds great!” Trixie said, giving her hand a squeeze before dropping it. Then she gasped, eyes widening. “Oh my god, you have to let me do your makeup for the showcase!” She clapped her hands excitedly in front of her chest.  
“Um, you don’t have to—”  
“I want to,” Trixie interrupted, before slowly grinning, a wicked sparkle in her eyes. “I offered. Please say yes.”  
“You _bitch!_ ” Katya cackled, spinning in a tight circle. She came to a halt and grinned back. “Okay. Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting somewhere! Who else is living for Confident Trixie? Let me know what you think in comments! 
> 
> The next chapter will be posted next Sunday :)


	4. You won't unravel

Katya opened the door to a vision of pinks and earth tones. She scanned Trixie’s face, which was already made up, ready for the stage, and the long sleeved, baby pink wrap dress that stopped just above her bare knees. “You look beautiful,” she said, pleased by the way Trixie flushed at the compliment. “I hope I look like you by the time we’re done.”   
Trixie laughed at that, stepping into the apartment. “You won’t look like me, silly. If you do, I’ve failed. I want you to look like _you_.” She walked over to the kitchen table, placing her bag down carefully and starting to retrieve a variety of products from its depths. Suddenly nervous, Katya made her way over more slowly, self-conscious in her old red flannel and plain black leggings.   
“Do you have a mirror? I can’t find mine,” Trixie asks, spinning around and almost hitting Katya, unaware of their proximity. Katya nodded and hurried away to grab one from her room. When she returned, Trixie had set up the table with two chairs facing each other, products neatly arranged on the surface. Katya eyed the clock on the microwave warily.   
“You’re sure this won’t take more than an hour?” She scanned the vast array of palettes and tubes and little pots of glitter that had covered the wood as she sat down in one of the chairs.  
“Do you trust me?” Trixie smirked, settling in her own chair so that her knees just brushed against Katya’s. Katya fought the warring impulses to back away and lean closer, freezing in place instead. Trixie’s smirk faltered as Katya froze. When she stroked a hand over Katya’s thigh, softening her gaze, Katya thought she was about to combust. What was happening? Why was her heart racing like she was about to dance in front of 200 people? Oh right, because in about three hours, she _would_ be dancing in front of 200 people. That must be it.   
“I promise, you won’t look like me, but you will be at least as beautiful as me.” Trixie tapped twice on her thigh before sitting back, her smirk returning. Her blush was still visible though, under the layers of makeup. “So, let’s start with foundation.”

___________

Despite Katya’s initial nerves, having Trixie do her makeup had been oddly calming. She had enjoyed the soft swipe of the brushes, the cool feeling of the creams, and the gentle pat of the powder puff. She had also enjoyed the occasional huff of Trixie’s breath stroking her cheeks. Each time she felt it, she’d had to wiggle her fingers to dispel the strange burst of energy she got. They had chatted a little to start with, but Katya liked sitting with her eyes closed, letting Trixie concentrate. In the absence of a conversation partner, Trixie had been humming quietly to herself, adding to the soothing atmosphere. When Trixie declared the look finished, Katya slowly fluttered her eyes open to find Trixie’s, which were peeking out from behind the mirror she was holding.   
Katya turned her gaze to her own reflection. “Wow, I love it! You really managed to turn this gargoyle into a gorgeous woman. You’re so talented.” She took the mirror from Trixie to study the look in more depth. She could see that Trixie was flattered by the praise, but was surprised to see a frown spreading across her features. “You always look nice,” Trixie countered, “I’ve just accentuated what was already there.” She brushed Katya’s hair back behind her ear, then kept her hand resting by Katya’s neck. Katya placed the mirror down on the table. Trixie’s eyes flickered down to Katya’s lips and back up, so quickly that Katya wasn’t sure if she imagined it. Then Trixie lowered her hand to her lap and looked down, sighing.   
Katya reached out and took hold of the hand Trixie had lowered, tracing small patterns on the back of it. She dipped her head to catch Trixie’s eye. “Thank you,” she said earnestly. “Now we both look beautiful.”   
Trixie bit her lip. Katya tilted her head, silently willing Trixie to say whatever she was holding back. Trixie let out a small sigh and whispered, “We’ll look good together, won’t we?” Her eyes burned into Katya’s, a silent question hanging in the air between them.   
Katya decided to finally give in to the Olympic floor routine her heart was performing in her chest, closing her eyes and leaning in towards Trixie. What she didn’t expect was the firm hand on her shoulder or the clear “No” that pierced the silence. She quickly opened her eyes and sat back in her chair, drawing her knees up to her chest.  
“Trixie I’m so sorry, I thought that you, I mean, it looked like you, no that’s ridiculous, I should have asked, of _course_ I should have asked, how rude of me to—”  
“Katya,” Trixie interrupted. “I just spent all that time on your lipstick. And speaking of the time, shouldn’t we get going?” She gracefully stood and began returning her products to their bag. Then she sauntered over to the door, with what Katya assumed was a deliberate sway in her hips, before turning back to look over her shoulder. “Are you coming, driver?”   
Katya could only stare, stunned, before scrambling to grab her own backpack and follow Trixie out of the door. 

___________

“Congratulations, kid!” Katya’s dad said, sweeping her into a hug. “We’re so proud of you. You were so good! That cutaway? Amazing! And your arm lines have got much stronger, too.”  
“Thanks, Dad,” Katya mumbled as her face was crushed into her dad’s chest. Her bag slid down her arm and dropped onto the floor. She managed to wriggle around to look at her mom, but her _help me_ stare was met with only a fond smile and a squeeze of her hand.   
“Oh, these are for you,” her mom said, holding out a bouquet of red and yellow tulips. Katya’s dad finally freed her so she could receive her gift.   
“Thank you. And thank you so much for coming. It really means a lot that you came down to watch,” Katya said.   
“Of course! We wouldn’t miss it. Any excuse to see you,” her dad winked. “We’re looking forward to having you home for Spring break, too!”   
“After my exams,” Katya said, performing an exaggerated shudder. “But yeah, I’m looking forward to it too.” Just then, she caught sight of Trixie over her mom’s shoulder—not a difficult task given her mom’s tiny frame—who was making her way towards the exit. “Sorry, I’ll just be one second,” she said, looking quickly at each of her parents and pushing her tulips back into her mom’s arms before dashing after her.   
“Trixie! Didn’t you want a lift?” Trixie turned, clearly surprised, and stopped in the hall, waiting for Katya to catch her up.   
“Your family is here?” She said it like a question, her expression still one of confusion.  
“Yeah, they’ll be leaving in a couple minutes. Do you want a lift?” Katya repeated.   
“Oh, um, sure?” Trixie said uncertainly.   
Katya was so surprised that Trixie had actually said yes that she stared at her for a couple of seconds before nodding a little too frantically. “Cool! That’s cool. I’m, uh, just gonna go say goodbye to my parents.” She glanced back at the parents in question and flushed bright red when she saw their amused, curious expressions. Knowing she’d never hear the end of it if she didn’t introduce her _friend_ , she sighed before asking, “Did you wanna, uh, do you want to meet them?” She grimaced, tapping her foot aimlessly on the ground and scanning Trixie’s face for her reaction.   
“Okay?” Trixie said.   
_Why are all of her words today questions?_ Katya wondered. “Okay.” Katya said, taking another deep breath before marching back in the direction of her family. Behind her, she heard Trixie giggle quietly before following her.   
“Mom, Dad, this is Trixie. She’s the tap teacher. She choreographed our group dance, isn’t she amazing?” Katya gushed, before promptly shutting herself up. Her parents’ smiles only grew wider as they shared a knowing glance.   
Her mom began, “It’s very nice to meet you, Trixie. Your choreography was excellent!” Trixie smiled and muttered a _thank you_ as Katya’s mom continued. “I used to tap dance myself when I was your age, but I don’t think I could keep up now!” she chuckled.   
Trixie laughed politely then looked back at Katya. Katya looked at her dad, feeling just as awkward as Trixie.  
Fortunately, Katya’s dad decided to try to salvage the interaction. “We were just saying how nice it will be to have Katya home for Spring break! What are your plans, Trixie?”  
“Oh, um, I don’t really have any?” Trixie said. Katya thought that if Trixie asked any more statements today, her voice might be stuck that way forever. “I usually just stay here and study over the break.”  
“All by yourself?” Katya’s mom looked concerned.   
“No, with my roommate. Or with Dela. She’s the girl who introduced the show tonight,” Trixie explained.   
“Oh, well, I guess that’s okay. Though you’re welcome to come and stay with us if you’d like a change of scenery?” Katya’s mom asked. Katya, who had been staring at Trixie’s fingers where they were clenching and unclenching around the strap of her bag, was snapped out of her trance and she turned her head to her mom. Her mom was resolutely ignoring her, looking only at Trixie.   
“Oh wow, that’s very kind of you to offer. Is it okay if I think about it?” Trixie said diplomatically.   
“Of course, sweetie. Katya can let us know what you decide.” She finally turned to look at her daughter, raising one eyebrow as an apparent answer to Katya’s expression.   
“My, would you look at the time!” her dad suddenly declared. “We’d best be off if we want to get home before midnight. It was lovely to meet you, Trixie.” Katya’s mom nodded her agreement.  
Katya allowed herself to be drawn into the expected group-hug with her parents, surrounded by muffled utterances of _congratulations_ and _thank you_. What she didn’t expect was for her mom to turn back and hug Trixie, giving her the same praise. Trixie shifted her weight uncomfortably, trapped in the arms of the much smaller woman, before quickly returning the hug then pulling away. They each said their goodbyes then Katya’s parents walked away. Katya turned to look at Trixie and found she was looking right back.   
“Your parents are wonderful,” Trixie said.   
“They are,” Katya agreed, scooping up her backpack and tulips from where they lay forgotten by the wall. “Ready to go?”  
Trixie nodded as they set off towards the exit. They pushed through the door and then, in a moment of courage, Katya grabbed Trixie’s free hand to pull her in the direction of her car. 

___________

They made the short drive in comfortable silence. Trixie had relaxed, leaning back fully into the seat and headrest with her eyes closed. Katya knew she was awake because she would occasionally sing along with the radio. She wondered idly why Trixie didn’t sing more often. As she pulled up outside Trixie’s apartment, Trixie opened her eyes.   
“Thank you for driving me.”  
“Any time.” They stared at each other. Trixie still hadn’t got out of the car. All of the feelings that Katya had boxed up in her mind so she could perform well in the showcase were escaping their container and consuming her. She broke the stretching silence. “Can I ki—”  
Trixie leaned over the console to close the short distance between them. Her hand came up to cup Katya’s cheek, which reminded Katya to kiss her back. Trixie pulled away, far too soon for Katya’s liking, to say, “I’ve wanted to do that for a while, now.” She was breathing heavily, her hands in her lap and her eyes open and honest.  
“Why haven’t you?”  
“I wasn’t sure that’s what you wanted. Until earlier, of course.” She smiled and leaned in for another peck, but Katya surprised her by locking her arms around the back of her neck and winding her fingers into her hair. They kissed for a long moment, comfortable in their small bubble inside Katya’s car, blanketed by the darkness of the Spring night. Trixie’s hand crept over to rest on Katya’s thigh.  
When she needed to breathe, to think, Katya pulled back just enough to lean her forehead against Trixie’s, keeping her eyes closed. “I definitely want this. I don’t know when I started wanting it, but I absolutely want it now.” She gave Trixie another, much gentler kiss, trying to show her the truth behind her words. When she pulled away, Trixie sighed quietly, lifting her hand to dance her fingertips across Katya’s collar bone.   
“Come inside,” Trixie whispered.   
“No,” Katya said. Before Trixie’s look of rejection could set in, she continued, “Bianca will interrogate me if I’m home too late, and I don’t want her to know yet. I need to think. Not that I’m not sure! I like you, a lot, Trix. But I need to process this. Sorry.”   
Trixie’s gaze softened as she rested her palm just below Katya’s neck. “You’ve never called me Trix before.”   
“Oh. Do you not like it? I won’t—”  
“I like it,” Trixie cut her off. “Tell me again.”  
“I like you, Trix.”   
“I like you, too.” She giggled, biting her lower lip, then her expression became serious again. “Will I see you tomorrow?”   
Katya sighed, leaning back into her seat. “I have a study date with Jinkx tomorrow. But I’m free Monday afternoon, after my first exam?”  
“Then I’ll see you on Monday,” Trixie confirmed, picking up Katya’s hand to hold delicately in both of hers. “Is it cheesy if I say that seems so far away?”  
“Oh, definitely,” Katya smirked. “Goodnight, Trix.” She moved to give Trixie an innocent kiss on the cheek, but Trixie chased her lips, deepening their goodnight kiss far beyond Katya’s intentions.   
Trixie pushed away from Katya, fumbling for the door handle. “Goodnight,” she said, then hurried out of the car, grabbing her bag and closing the car door perhaps a little more forcibly than she intended. Katya watched as she walked to her door and promptly dropped her keys in front of it. Trixie scrambled to pick them up and let herself in. Katya was laughing when Trixie turned back to wave. Trixie’s door closed, and Katya pulled away, making a mental note to remove the remainder of her lipstick before she entered her apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are happening! I'm having so much fun writing this story. Please let me know your thoughts in comments! Or over on tumblr, same username. <3


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